Hello Titty

A while back, PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, made all the “weird news” columns in the US by suggesting that Ben & Jerry’s should use breast milk, like the kind your mum fed you from her mum tits, instead of cow milk. What crazy nuts! What a shocking idea! WRONG. It is a FACT that breast milk is healthier for you than cow milk.

And just in case you’re still dubious, we found and interviewed a BREAST-MILK EXPERT who confirmed what we already know: That we are smarter than you.

Vice: Hello nutritionist and breast milk specialist Elisabeth Kylberg. Can adults benefit from breast milk like babies do?

Elisabeth Kylberg: I think that adults shouldn’t drink milk at all, whether it’s human or cow milk. It’s food for babies. Cheese and yogurt, on the other hand, are good for us. Still, the longer women breast-feed, the smaller risk they run of getting breast and ovarian cancer. I wouldn’t be surprised if breast milk is one day used as a medicine—it’s been proved to kill cancer without even damaging the afflicted cells.

So what’s healthier for us to drink, cow or human milk?

Definitely human milk, but I don’t think there’s a market for it.

Is it possible to lactate without actually getting pregnant?

There have been several cases of women who’ve adopted babies and breast-fed them, or grandmothers who breast-fed the baby if the mother passed away. In most cases, they weren’t able to produce the same amount of milk as women who were pregnant, but if you stimulate the breast with a baby sucking on it, for example, it will eventually start producing milk. Even men can start producing milk after heavy breast stimulation, but their milk is not as nutritional.

So if we survived a plane crash and were left on a desert island, or in the Andes like in that movie Alive, we could actually survive on our own milk?

Ha ha, for a while maybe.


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